Expensive Abby: A person insulted my spouse, so I slapped him round a bit

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I play on a pool group. A few yr in the past, the group captain checked out my spouse and stated, “So, can I play together with your decrease non-public space?” (He didn’t use these phrases.) My spouse, who may be very shy, was shocked. 

He has made dumb feedback earlier than, and I’ve warned him a number of occasions. This time after I informed him, he was dumb sufficient to ask me exterior. I slapped him round a bit. We’re each large guys. I’m 6-foot-4, 300 kilos. He’s as tall, possibly just a few kilos lighter. 

Now the members of the league right here have shunned my spouse and me. Was I unsuitable? Ought to I’ve let that man discuss to my spouse like that? — SECOND-GUESSING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: Violence is rarely the reply. You and your spouse ought to have left as quickly as these phrases had been uttered. As for the remainder of the league shunning you, I feel it’s time you discovered one other league to play pool with — one with good folks to compete with, reasonably than animals.

DEAR ABBY: A pal of mine simply handed away, and whereas I used to be visiting with my daughter, I discussed it. My daughter’s response to the unhappy information was, “I don’t care. I didn’t know them!” I informed her I believed her response was impolite. 

After they had been younger, I all the time taught my kids to deal with others the best way you anticipate them to deal with you, and in case you don’t have one thing good to say, say nothing. After I heard what she stated, I felt I had failed in my responsibility as a mother or father to show her the values my mother and father instilled in me. 

Possibly, since I’m unhappy for the lack of my pal, I took what she stated unsuitable. Any recommendation on how I ought to method this with my daughter could be enormously appreciated. — FEELING LIKE A FAILURE

DEAR FEELING: Your daughter seems to lack any sense of empathy. What she stated was unkind and dismissive. She could also be self-centered, or was aggravated with you or about one thing else occurring in her life when she stated it. You may have each proper to inform her how her remark affected you at a time if you had been feeling weak. However don’t blame your self in your daughter’s insensitivity. That’s on her, not you.

DEAR ABBY: I’m a loving husband of an exquisite spouse of 40-plus years, however I’ve one subject along with her that I can’t perceive. If I point out, in a really fastidiously worded method, one thing she does that annoys me, she retaliates by citing issues from a long time prior to now about me. 

I’ve corrected my previous behaviors, however she appears to make use of this as a method of “twisting the knife,” figuring out it hurts me. I’ve tried explaining this to her, however she nonetheless does it. Do I simply ignore her annoying conduct? Is that this her defensive method of getting again at me? What ought to I do? — WOUNDED IN COLORADO

DEAR WOUNDED: Your spouse shouldn’t be getting again at you for something. What she is doing is avoiding proudly owning as much as the truth that one thing she does annoys you rather than apologizing or correcting it. Bear in mind the saying “the most effective protection is a powerful offense”? That is an instance of it.

Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.