Expensive Abby: I eat to masks the ache of my childhood trauma — I can’t cease

DEAR ABBY: In some ways, I’m blessed. I’ve an incredible household, an amazing husband and a well-paying job that I get pleasure from. My solely downside is, I hate myself. I cover my ache with humor (I’m fairly humorous). I’ve some childhood sexual abuse trauma and have had plenty of counseling. I’m hesitant in charge my present points on one thing that occurred so way back, however why can’t I get my life collectively? I’m so blissful now, so why is that this dragging me down? 

I fight my internal ache, stress and hate by consuming. I can not cease. I’ve gained a lot weight it’s onerous to do regular actions. I’m drained, disgusted and ashamed of being so uncontrolled. None of my garments match. Each social scenario is unbelievably overwhelming. I’ve tried food regimen after food regimen. Some work, however nothing sticks long run. I’ve eliminated all of the mirrors in my home so I received’t have to take a look at myself. 

My household and buddies are wonderful, loving and supportive. My world could be nothing with out them. How can I mentally wire my jaw shut so I don’t shove each piece of meals I see down my gullet? — EXPLODING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR EXPLODING: You’re removed from the one one who has used meals to masks emotional ache. There may be reality within the saying, “It’s not what you’re consuming, however what’s consuming you that could be the issue.” 

Two trusted organizations might be able to provide help to conquer this. The primary is the Rape, Abuse and Incest Nationwide Community (rainn.org). RAINN has been talked about in my column many instances. Once you contact this group, it may join with counseling tailor-made to survivors of sexual abuse and provide help to to take care of any lingering points out of your childhood trauma. 

The second group is Overeaters Nameless (oa.org). OA is a assist group for individuals who can’t management their consuming, primarily based on the ideas of AA. Once you make contact, you’ll discover them to be sympathetic and supportive — there isn’t a judging, weighing or shaming. It could provide the ethical and emotional assist you should regain management. I’m rooting for you.

DEAR ABBY: A lonely pal who lives a number of hours away desires to go to me for a number of days. He retains citing the topic of visiting whereas I attempt to steer the dialog in one other course. My spouse isn’t eager on the thought of somebody she’s not conversant in staying with us. 

I don’t think about us shut buddies, and I’ve by no means invited him to remain. I desire he not go to, primarily because of my spouse’s considerations. Is there a option to get him to cease asking with out dropping his friendship? I suppose I may reside with out the friendship, however I don’t need to harm him. — FLUMMOXED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLUMMOXED: Inform this pushy particular person you and your spouse “can not accommodate” a houseguest. Regardless of the cause could also be, it’s the reality. Preserve repeating it as usually as obligatory.

Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.