Expensive Abby: My daughter’s fiance had secret youngsters

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her fiance are clever, profitable professionals of their early 30s. Her fiance simply knowledgeable her he was a sperm donor for a pal and his spouse just a few years in the past, leading to two organic youngsters with yet another on the way in which. 

He by no means talked about this to my daughter earlier than. She suspected that one thing wasn’t proper as a result of he would disguise his cellphone (he retains the youngsters’s footage on it), and she or he lastly confronted him final week. 

He bonded with the youngsters through the first yr of their lives with frequent visits, then tapered off as a result of the buddies had change into uncomfortable along with his being round (the youngsters each carefully resemble him). 

Her fiance says he hasn’t seen the youngsters since my daughter started courting him two years in the past. He says he tried to place the scenario behind him, however confessed that he misses them and didn’t notice he would really feel this fashion on the time he donated. Neither he nor the youngsters’s mother and father have authorized paperwork in place, they usually skipped getting skilled recommendation, believing it could all be positive as a result of they’re good mates. 

My daughter says she might have accepted that he was a donor and has youngsters, however she could be very upset that he hid it from her all this time. They’re nonetheless engaged, however she has put the marriage plans on maintain till they will get by way of this. They’re now speaking about counseling. She says her world has been turned the other way up. My coronary heart is hurting for her, and we’re supportive of any determination she makes. Your opinion could be very appreciated. — SUPPORTIVE IN THE EAST

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: Your daughter is a brilliant girl to need counseling earlier than she makes any visits to the altar. The person she’s engaged to saved her at midnight for 2 years! I can’t assist however marvel what else he could also be hiding. It could take time for her to belief him once more — if ever. 

P.S. Her fiance and people mates ought to have consulted an legal professional about his position as a sperm donor whereas it was nonetheless within the planning phases, if solely to keep away from any confusion sooner or later. It’s not too late to try this now, and I strongly suggest it.

DEAR ABBY: As a child boomer, I’ve crammed out a DNR (don’t resuscitate) order. I’ve been questioning, if one thing have been to occur in public, how would first responders know? Strokes run in my household. How does an individual make sure that this data is out there? It’s on file with my physician, however he’s not at all times obtainable. — PLANNER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PLANNER: Emergency first responders are skilled to search for sure data after they arrive. It’s best to have “In Case of Emergency” numbers (I.C.E.) in your cellphone in addition to in your pockets. There are additionally medical I.D. bracelets and necklaces obtainable. Due to your loved ones historical past, it’s possible you’ll need to speak along with your physician about getting one.

Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.